October 20, 2013

In Time

"It is not a matter of time
it is a matter of effort"
Many, many, many, deadlines ahead. One keeps thinking: "in time, just a couple years longer". Suddenly I realised this is not at all the way things work. As time passes we accomplish things but not because of time itself but because of the effort we put in our accomplishments. Most revelations in my life do not last long so I surely hope this one will, because the reality is that there is very little time left and much effort needed to reach my goals.

As I mentioned before I have a daughter who just turned four and will (if all goes according to plan) start going to school after the autumn break. If ever you feel like you need something to measure time, kids, kids more than anything else make you understand how quickly time passes. I have not seen her for a couple of months so I am more than happy to see her again and more importantly she will come here to stay (insert very (too) long origin/background story here).
But in reality my mind finds itself now in February 2014, the first week of that month to be more specifically and as time passes and the end of my bachelor approaches I am a little afraid to be honest. The beginning of the end is my internship and in order to achieve that I need to finish all subjects I still did not complete from the second and third year. Apart from that I am also following three fourth year subjects because I already wasted this current semester so I might make up for a little time at the end of my bachelor. Then of course I will have to find an internship as well.
I used to work five shifts in a week and dropped one of them this semester to focus more on school. At present I cannot even imagine how I managed to achieve anything with those five because I feel I am short with time with working four. This is where fear kicks in. Many subjects which should be manageable but it is still a lot and the weeks pass rapidly. Also, my daughter will be accompanied by her mom when she comes here. Previous semester I made the mistake of greeting the final exam week(s!) with my absence after a semester of hard work, because I took too much time off to spend with the family. It is a hard thing to be away from home all the time when a little girl so sweet is waiting for you.
My daughter is here to stay, but not her mom. Meaning that after January I will solely have to take care of the little one and do not get me wrong, I am also a great mom but I might have to sacrifice some ambition for my internship because she will be relying on me. For now, I better start writing down and check off boxes of things I still need to do. Do not want to waste another semester and I am getting way too old for this..
Not a matter of time but a matter of effort and it is about time I start putting some more effort in school and manage my time better so that I will graduate in time, provided by effort.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, Jerry, you certainly have some challenges ahead of you! But from my acquaintance with you, I'd say - You can do it! Be sure to find out all the help you can get from Dutch Social services (like almost free after school care) and from the HvA.