On a specific Monday in October 2009 I was about to give a presentation for the EC module together with my group members. That is, until I become a dad just the day before. So I sent out an e-mail to my class members and lecturer that I could not make it to school become my daughter was just born. Obviously being one of the more legit excuses to not be able to make it to class, people understood, except for the part that they had absolutely no idea that I was about to become a dad. I had shared it with none of my classmates, lecturers or school until it was inevitable. Kayumi is now four and I have been thinking about how sharing my situation with my environment has effected my life.
One of the reasons why I have difficulties sharing so much about myself here is not because I find it difficult to share but, as peaceful as writing is, rather spend it on writing about something that distracts me a little, for just a bit. Not that I do not absolutely enjoy being a dad of course :)
I recently met someone who I had not seen in a while and before I knew it she had left and we had talked about nothing else than my 'situation'. I send her a message afterwards to ask how she is doing because it frustrated me so. Yesterday as I dropped the little of at school I walked outside with another parent and he asked me how managed to go to school and take care of the little one at the same time. I really like the dad and I do not mind sharing but what most people do not know is that I keep answering the same questions over and over and over again. To them the answer is new, to me it is what I am living and I answer these type of question almost on a daily basis. I am living this life, which is 'normal' to me, and I would just like to go on living it while not making to much of a deal out of it.
But sharing has undeniably helped me out a great deal and it absolutely outweighs the things that bother me because of it. The support and love I receive is tremendous, help has sometimes really come out of nowhere and it seems most people share a genuine concern about my situation and help with whatever they can. I have never wanted to use being a dad as an excuse to get any extra help because it makes me feel like a victim which is not the case. The truth however, is that it is impossible to manage my life without the support I receive, plus the joy Kayumi brings to others is absolutely heart-warming. Actually, the effect she has on others feels perhaps more rewarding than the support I receive. Also, she is a part of me and I will not hide away for a bit of who I am. Soon I will be alone with her and family, friend and lecturers alike have reached out with their support. Without my environment taking into account my current situation things would have been much harder and honestly much less fun too.