October 20, 2014

Falling into Grief Poetry

It's Autumn. That time of year that I was never very good at coping with. Even as a student up at Hebrew University on Mt. Scopus, in September, the fluffy but threatening clouds would start to roll up together and hover over the hills, and remind me that we are all mortal. Somehow, each autumn, I manage to find myself in an existential crisis of sorts.

In September 1998, my worst nightmare came true when I lost my 4 year old son, Yarden, to his battle with cancer. It was an autumn like no other. And since then, each time the leaves start to turn beautiful shades of yellow and red, and the wind picks up, the skies turn stormy, each time, I want to crawl into a thick quilt for the duration of winter.

A couple of weeks ago, as the seasons began to turn here, I wrote a few poems:

Wake up

Grief is a harsh bully
Poking and jabbing
in darkness of dreams;
in moments of solitude.
Testing with almost images
and miraculous recoveries.

Lonely haiku

and dazed.
No one is here
But me.

Photo Album

I see myself smiling
in every damn photo.
Where is my sadness
     and pain?

"You smiled because of us,"
says my daughter, brightly.

Partly that's true.
And also, I could not cry.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Audrey ~ What you wrote here is beautiful. It touched a deep chord in my heart ~ for you ~ for your loss ~ for your smile ~ for you pain. x Margot...& I love the way you write