May 20, 2015

Code 7500: WE ARE BEING HIJACKED BY HIPSTERS!

I have always been interested in writing, whether this would be a blog, a column or a novel. I just never have. When I had come to think of it I realize one of the reasons I never have is – besides, no inspiration or no time (well, poor time-management I found to be embedded in my DNA probably has something to do with it, I will get back to this in my next blog), because it has been hijacked. Hijacked by criminals known as ‘hipsters’. Now, I know you frowned upon the word criminals and thought ‘’well..that’s a big word to use here..’’ But think about it. Webster defines a criminal as a person involved in illegal activity, a wrongdoer, an offender, a sinner, a malefactor. So, if a criminal is ‘’morally doing wrong’’ why couldn’t hipsters be called criminals. The crime they are committing might not be unlawful and will not get them in jail  any time soon – unfortunately our justice system is just not so far developed yet-  but it nevertheless is very comparable.
Hipsters are involved in the intentional hijacking of products, clothing items, styles and activities  –both tangible and intangible- from people using them for the purpose they were originally designed for in order to claim them being a part of their own identity, style and taste, when really their weak mindedness made them great victims of marketing which in turns triggers feelings of insecurity as well as encourages the attempts of reaching perfection(omg this is actually genius.. I mean what’s more lucrative to this industry than having a bunch of narcissists and people with self-esteem issues as your target market?) and they are just the main instigators and contributors to mass conformism in fashion trends and the consumerism that goes along with it.
Now, what bothers me is not the fact that they are so desperately trying to keep up with the next big thing or going out of their way to prove they are ‘’different’’ and ‘’unique’’ -unique has a particular look nowadays which everyone seems to be wearing- or the fact that their excessive consumption  behavior plays a significant role in boosting our economy. Au contraire mon frère, that I actually appreciate. BUT as soon as this skindeep philosophy called hipsterism is starting to affect me myself personally, that is where I  draw the line (and by drawing the line I mean writing a sarcastic blog about this with a hateful undertone, ha!).
I mean I think my aversion to hipsters is justified when I can no longer say I love to work out without the other person automatically assuming that by working out I mean going to the gym 5x a week to lift and put down heavy objects in squatting position to ‘’get bigger buttocks’’. Or because since about a year now I have to buy quinoa for literally double the price because hipsters have come to the decision that ‘’eating clean’’ is now also considered hip and should be part of their code of conduct. Or when at work I sell performance running shoes for advanced runners to people who have no clue they’re actually running shoes but just want to wear them under their jeans which they for some reason they all seemed to have neatly rolled up to an above the ankle length along with their lumberjack shirts they bought from a vintage shop (because obviously as a hipster you want to support independent retailers: buying stuff from obscure retailers gets you on top of the social hipster hierarchy..!) Or when I open my Instagram or Facebook account, which by the way are the epicenter and hotbeds of collective narcissism (why do I still have these social media accounts? I honestly do not know) and see all these nonsensical posts (which is fine..I occasionally like nonsense too but) which more and more seem to come along with a caption in which a wise quote or saying of wonderful iconic men and women in history is being (ab)used as a pathetic attempt for that post to come across as ‘’deep’’.
It’s actually starting to become scary..scary like a zombie apocalypse or Ebola, when you run into someone you always thought of being immune to the epidemic and then see that same person, now a guy with a streamlined haircut pointing either left or right ,or a ‘’sloppy bun’’ with which of course a full grown beard and a pair of Roshe Runs cannot miss, or run into a girl who wears a pair of Clarks, a Herschel bag and ‘’nerdglasses’’ obviously totally going for the ‘’academic, intellectual hipster look’’.
Anyhow, I think it’s pretty clear that these hipsters need to stop. Stop ruining people’s identity. Stop with the corruption of individualism. Stop associating the wrong things with each other. Stop dressing your children in the exact same outfit as yourself (or is it the other way around?) Stop being lame. If you’re reading this and you think ‘’Crap..I’m one of them..’’ I’m telling you it’s okay. Awareness and admission are the biggest steps towards change, towards freedom! I know it is scary to let go of it all, especially since you have no idea what you as an individual and apart from the influences of hipsterism would look like and what your daily activities would be. I mean you’ve always believed you were different and awesome and that you were self-expressing but on the contrary, hipsterism is actually exactly the same, if not worse, than being dressed by your mother. The only difference is they could convince you to like this and your mother couldn’t.  But it’s never too late for a change.

Instead of trying to express who we are by what we decide to wear, say, and do,  we now live in a society in which people try to be what they are dressed like. Now that seems super exhausting to me so I say honey if you’re not really into sports, stop wearing running tights and sneakers all the time, and if you don’t care about your micro’s and your macro’s, stop buying superfoods and reading the back of packages because you know you don’t really care anyway. The world is already complicated as it is, stop making it worse. We don’t need any more hipsters. We need normal people. Be a breath of fresh air in this society. (I would kindly like to ask all hipsters reading this not to hijack this message too and turn it into a trending hashtag, or a text on one of those long t-shirts  for men with side splits and a very deep V neck or something, thank you)

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