September 25, 2016

Happiness & Fulfilment #3 Be loving

Looking back

Week two of the course, where Dr. Raj. talked about chasing superiority was quite interesting to me, however, I felt this did not really apply to my own life. I cannot remember to have ever tried to be better than others. I feel like this has a lot to do with the way I have been raised as a child. My parents have taught me that everybody is equal, and showed me to treat everybody the same. 

Getting love as a child

This is a personal example about a topic that Dr. Raj. also briefly talks about; the way a child is raised. Many people, and sadly many parents as well, have no idea what impact a lack of love and affection can have on a baby’s life later on. The lack of love and affection received as a child, or a very bad childhood in general, is actually a very common cause of the 3rd deadly happiness sin: the need to be loved or the need to go at it alone.

Belonging vs Independence

The fact is: everybody has a deep feeling to belong to other people. The key to success, for me, is to find a healthy way where you are independent enough to stand on your own, with the right number of people surrounding you that love and care for you. 

by Dion Damen (HvA AMSIB student)

During the lessons of this week I could do a test which showed whether you are a person that needs to be loved, or a person that wants to go at it alone. My results showed that I was a person that leaned a little bit towards wanting to go at it alone. I could find myself in this result, and I even predicted it beforehand. Even though the fact that I tend to go at it alone did not bother me in my life, I did follow Dr. Raj’s. instructions in order to improve myself.

Advice for those who are "too" independent

One of the pieces of advice he gave for the people who feel the need to go at it alone (avoidant attitude), is to show more emotions. I really had the idea that this is something I could improve on. This is because I have been told before that I do not often show my emotions, and I knew this was true. However, I did not know about the consequences that can arise from not showing emotions. 

Dr. Raj. explains that people who do not show emotions are difficult to relate to for other people. This is because other people cannot see what you are feeling at that moment. This results in less co-operation from others. 

After Dr. Raj. explained this, I realized why it is so important to show emotions. Mainly because, when showing emotions, other people can relate to you and this in turn really increases the personal contact, which is needed in order to feel connected with someone. 

My personal experience by showing more emotion is very positive. I noticed right away that it is easier to interact with other people and therefore feeling more connected. This is a positive change because I feel the interaction with others increases my happiness. 

At first I did have some problems with showing my emotions, because I am used to not showing them. In order to improve this about myself, I thought to myself logically about what emotions were and what they did. And I decided for myself that emotions were a way for humans to nonverbally communicate with each other, and that everybody had them. Realizing and accepting this made it for me a lot easier to show them today. It is amazing to see how such a small change in behavior can bring so much more benefits to your life.


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